Long distance relationships- dedication and adjustments at its best!

Movies and T.V. shows have romanticized romance to a very huge extent. Finding the right partner is a task, agreed, but what waits for you after it is even more challenging. And who better than a couple living in a long-distance relationship (LDR) would understand this fact? Just because you’ve found your better half doesn’t imply that you would have a happily ever after. Coming across the right partner is just a plateau to a high mountain that is yet to be climbed. In case of LDRs, this journey can be overly troublesome and lingering, all the while, being full of obstacles. You might have heard of “Distance makes the heart grow fonder”, but, at the same time, “Out of sight, out of mind” is an undeniable fact. Not being in the same city or time zone as that of your companion can be disheartening and upsetting. And when it comes to not being able to catch-up, life’s a lot more annoying and irritating. But like someone said, “Missing someone gets easier every day because even though you are one day further from the last time you saw them, you are one day closer to the next time you will.” Being able to meet-up, cuddle, hold hands and feel each other’s presence is a prerequisite to having a satisfied and gratified relationship. But in case of long distances, any form of physical connection is absent which forms a void in both the partners’ lives, and to be honest, it cannot be filled up with any amount of communication. When the expression of love is hindered, it becomes a lot more frustrating. But, on a brighter side, for LDRs, sharing intimate moments in person become extra special as it feels like fireworks, glitter bombs, rainbows and butterflies everywhere.

Messaging, calling and video-calling are the rescuers for couples in long distances. The technology now has made keeping in-touch simple as ABC. But that’s just at the face of it. Ask a person in an LDR and you’ll be enlightened of the restrictions these virtual communications come with. Texting is a boon in relationships, but the effective interchange of expressions is doubtful. Encoding and decoding of words don’t happen the same way, and often, the meaning is misunderstood. Besides, having seen or heard the significant other creates a huge impact. But, being able to video call or merely call is not possible always. Attribute it to the different time-zones or work schedules, being able to constantly update is a difficult task. Moreover, often when one is busy and the other is relatively free, the latter is in for bad trips and also for being vexed.

Communication gap may even give rise to aspects of cheating, jealousy, trust issues, loyalty, et al. Even though the other half is not intending to let the former half feel any of the above, thoughts regarding these do haunt individuals. Because the person is out of sight, every small detail regarding the other person can create a fuss. This could be to an extent that you get intimidated by their mere colleagues and/or friends, because they get to see the one you love, more than you do. The desperation goes to a level that you want to be a part of everything the other person does, and this becomes extremely disturbing and bothersome. With one of the two moving to a different part of the world, changes are the only things that become constant, but you might not see them coming. With the other one flying away to a different culture, trying to adapt to the new life and environment, you remain here with the same atmosphere, waiting for the other one to update you constantly. You become negligent of the fact that the other person is having a tough time adapting and managing their new life. The only thoughts that you ponder upon are that the other person has become too busy to keep in touch. This could even lead to differences and misconceptions, that could be a danger to the relationship altogether. Thinking that the other person is not keen on talking, you might also start cutting them loose. However, this would be nothing but faulty interpretations and miscommunications. One highlighting aspect in such a situation is that with friends, we try our best to be understanding and to be compassionate, but when it comes to a romantic relationship, we tend to lose our saneness very quickly. It’s no news to come across memes that point out that love costs a lot. Well, in case of LDRs, this is true, both figuratively and literally. To send gifts or even oneself several miles away, it can cost you an arm and a leg. Even if you plan your finances and share the cost of plane tickets, after a while, it feels like your wallet cannot keep up with that pace. But, you feel like you’ll have to, or else, you’ll go mad! And not to forget, all the secondary financial investments you might be planning of, may go for a toss during this LDR phase of yours.

But hey! When there’s a will, there’s a way. A few rules and guidelines are sure to keep every LDR strong, irrespective of number of miles and days of exile. The biggest obstacle that all consider is the sexual tension. Well, even if not omitted, it can surely be taken care of. Try inculcating dirty talks or messages in your communication. Sexy puns, teasing texts filled with sexual connotations and provocative description can work wonders. There’s nothing better than atête-à-tête. To tackle the feeling of “missing the person endlessly”, opt for video calls whenever possible. These need not be long but the mere feeling of being present can work like magic. This is especially true in case of special occasions because hearing each others’ voices can make everything seem normal again. With differences in time zones and work-loads, planning small surprises can be your way out. This can include a sudden poem for your loved one, or sending a letter expressing your feelings, or even a cheesy compliment can make the distance seem shorter. Petite efforts to bring a smile to the significant other’s face can do a wonderful trick. Next time you message your partner, send in a picture of yours, accompanied with a cute caption; you would want to thank me for this tip later. One baseline to having a successful LDR is to speak out your mind. Express yourself and also the love you have for your partner, time and again. Don’t hesitate to bring up uncomfortable conversations and make sure to sort out all that you have in mind, irrespective of how small it is.

Long distance relationships are one of the hardest experiences you might choose to go through. It can get very hard, time-consuming, and, at times discouraging – everything that a happy  relationship shouldn’t be. But in the end, it will help you build a solid foundation as a couple. Like they say, “If you want to live together, you first need to learn how to live apart”. LDRs are generally not what couples want to get into, however, unplanned moments in life often lead to the best destinations. So, be mindful of the perils and, even if it’s a pain in your neck, don’t let the distance overpower the love in you.

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