Let’s talk about something that women are accused of doing quite often: playing the woman card. Sure, you are a woman. Your life is tough. So am I, and so is mine. The difference is, when you play the woman card, you are actually encouraging the society to treat you as something inferior, as a charity case, as someone who needs extra support or help. And if you do this, do us a favour and try not to call yourself “strong and independent”.
When you take advantage of someone’s vulnerability, you are doing something wrong irrespective of what gender you belong to. There have been many instances where rape accusations have been proven wrong or got withdrawn by the “victim” after they confessed that the case was fabricated. When an innocent person accused of rape, who is the real victim? Who is the one who loses their good reputation, and often ends up being thrown out of their societies and jobs because of a criminal record? The damage that false accusation has done is done. Nobody’s confession is going to change it. The person lives with the tag of being the “accused rapist”, something I’m sure causes him great troubles in our society. And at the speed our judiciary functions, the accused will probably be dead before their name is cleared.
You cannot call any sexual act as rape just because you feel wronged. Rape is an extremely traumatic crime, not a word to be thrown around as a threat if your partner is swerving from you. You cannot have sex consensually and then call it rape according to your convenience. Do not ridicule or mock the concept of such a sensitive and violent act to suit your petty sensibilities.
Your agreement is only in word, you cannot change it at a later stage. If you decide to be with someone, stand by your decision. If you find it going wrong, quit it. Don’t victimise yourself and render your partner stained in accusations that will take a lifetime to wash off. That is a sick and twisted idea of revenge, and definitely not an ethical one. Maligning someone’s reputation for such trivial tiffs is why women get tagged as fickle and vengeful. Instead of reinforcing these existing ideas, challenge and rise above these wrong stereotypes.
A man named Sarvjeet Singh had become the face of a viral Facebook post back in 2015, thanks to Jasleen Kaur who posted his image with a caption accusing him of harassing and threatening her. Before he was arrested, he had commented on the post stating that people do not know the whole story and should not judge so early. It was later discovered that the man was innocent, and a witness confirmed his innocence and even went ahead to say that the woman was the one who started verbally abusing and threatening Sarvjeet about police coming to his house. Despite the truth coming out in such situations, sometimes the tag sticks and people live with it forever. In his comment, Singh even stated that he understands that women “are often harassed but that does not mean an issue should be made out of something like this.”
In a video on The Voice Raiser, about his life 15 months later he said, “It should not be about gender. If a man commits a crime, and a woman witnesses it, she should raise her voice. Same way, if a woman commits a crime, and a man witnesses it, he should stand against it. Women shouldn’t have the luxury to accuse men of sexual assault only because of their gender, to escape from the truth.” Singh has lost a lot of job opportunities and his right to travel out of the city without informing the police, all because one woman felt spiteful.
When a woman plays the woman card, she is essentially objectifying herself, calling womanhood a disability, a shortcoming. It isn’t anybody’s fault that you are a woman. In fact, it isn’t a fault at all. Yes, females are physically in some aspects weaker than males. And that is usually a norm in a majority of species, not just humans. But nature has compensated for it with other gifts, gifts that you so comfortably ignore or misuse. When you excuse yourself playing the woman card, you make it okay for others to do the same. You are normalising objectification of womankind. Don’t say a man “used” you because you are then somewhere accepting that you are a thing, and not as much a person as them. Your inferiority might get you some paltry benefits, but in the long run, is that how you want to survive in this world?
Do not thrive on the world’s sympathy. There is nothing abnormal about being a woman, stop using it as an excuse. Do not salvage another person’s life for your selfish gratification. Don’t change your words according to convenience, never to trap someone else. Being a female is not a genetic disorder, you do not need an assisted living or special provisions. Stop pitying yourself and then asking why women aren’t treated equally. You can’t have both. Woman up, choose one and choose wisely.